Just another year passing by in a jiffy.
It’s hard to admit that time passes by so quickly
One year ago, you never know what you were doing,and one year hence it’s the same damn thing all over again.
And How every year my heart is filled up to brim and questioning me every second , the day before the ‘special’ day,
Why do you want to celebrate?
Well to the heart and from the heart …
I dont know , why I should or should’nt be happy on my birthday. Surrounded by tonnes of wishes makes me more anxious than ever.
I ponder hard, on my achievements all thru the year. And maybe it takes just two seconds to count em all or some years just none.
But if I were to be real with you, dear heart,
every passing day in the last 365 days felt like little victories and I did celebrate everyday in some way or other.
And today, if you say, it’s just a reminder to be as I am and to live life in small moments everyday.
The rituals may or may not make me happy but the reminder does bring a smile on my face.
Today I take this courage to wish myself a ‘THANK YOU’
( Birthday blues are real..pheww)
Day after day, the newspaper ink is shamelessly spilled into some gory details of the ” weaker” gender, you know what, it doesnt scare me.
On 2nd page , you tell me justice is served by putting to death some 4 men !… while the first page boasts of another bunch of the same category more gruesome, more brutual.
You tell me, it happens elsewhere too, stronger controls now, women squad team, emergency nos, my male friend will drop me home, ohh… self defence .. learn it, it will get better. over and over and over again ! blah.. blah.. blah.. ,
you dont give me hope any more, for I know it’s just a matter of days that these bloody newspapers will be lining your shelves , sold for pennys or just lying rotting, forgotten like the news in them.
And again fresh ones will come …
But you don’t scare me anymore.
~ Tanya M. ( you don’t scare me !)
( For anyone looking for context, this is what I have to say to all those front page headlines talking about gruesome rapes and horrific brutality day after day)
आइने का अक्स अब झूठा लगता है,
उस पार तो दरिया
पर इस पार समन्दर दिखता है।।
Teri har baat per harz hoga
Iss zamaane ke liye tu hamesha ‘khudgarz’ hi hoga .
Once again I want to return to that summer of 2005 when I was 8 years old.
Fantasizing about making my own decisions but not yet making them.
wanting to be one of the adults but not yet
ready for it.
learning and hearing about things , people and everything that’s in between because I want to and not because I have to.
Once again I want to go back to that place from where I wouldn’t be just thinking about this poem but living it.
Zindagi mai agar sab kuch haasil ho jaye,
toh woh zindagi kaha ….
Aur khwaab jo saare poore hojaye,
toh zindagi kis kaam ki ?